Brand new of Myself

It had been quite some time that I had not updated my blog. I had been posted at Psychiatry wards for almost half of posting duration.

Initial impression was unpleasant, where I kept believe in what patients say causing me to be in sort of confusion or fear, which most of the time I heard about seeing or hearing unusual voices or figures.

However later on I began to adapt to these situations where I instead listen to patient, but do not allow those words to attach as it is, I tried to figure out what the hidden agenda behind patients' words. The change in approach allows me to overcome previous experience of unnecessary confusion or fear.

By seeing so many psychiatric patients, where they wonder around and seem like so free, sometimes I did admire them in that sense, however reality check told me these sort of so called 'leisure" come with price - lost of "real freedom".

All the while being inflicted with negative happening more than positive kind, I came across my mind of giving up.

However by seeing some so called "insane" patients (no offense), I had came to a thought that I should be grateful for being sane and granted with real freedom: able to travel independently, not institutionized, can go shopping malls, etc.

Especially when I encounter a very "special" patient who really talkative, with lots of ideas, being self proud, excessive "euphoric" state, he himself had gave me inspiration that I have to move on, my life has not come to the end yet. In fact the inspiration I earned from him is as same as quoted by one great psychiatrist: "life is full of mess, just deal with it and move on".

I won't know what will happen in the future, so just see how it goes, and my life goes on.

Silence is golden

Silence and noise, another pair of opposing matters, after being discussed about dream versus reality, and followed by truth versus lie. Suddenly I had been in feeling of sharing my personal view upon silence and noise.

Sometimes is better to keep silent than to tell others what you feel because it hurts badly when you come to know that they can hear you but can not understand.

To find a real and sincere listener is as looking for precious gem, it was somewhere around us, but yet to be discovered. That is my perception about listener.

Being a listener, one has to listen, not just hear, listen by mean of being focus, concentrate on the person who speaks or voice out his / her words. By hearing itself, one could not understand the meaning(s) being portrayed by the one who speaks. Without understanding there is no point being a listener.

Therefore some people might just opt to be silent rather than looking for listener, because it disappoints more when one hears but can not understand.

Good listener will just listen all along the words from the one who speaks, and responds after understand the meaning(s) behind those words. However such good listeners are rarely seen, in reality not much of such good quality of listeners.

Dark and Light

It has been a long time where I had not been updating my blog, as I did not have ample of time for constructing my new blog title.

What I think about my new topic would be some new thoughts that came across my mind not long ago.

In the past, most often I can't see what was in front of my path, mainly I referred myself as in dark condition, where I seemed like walking without any trace, while I still have to continue walking. Somehow I was just walking without knowing the end, where everything seemed to be black for me. 

I kept telling myself on day the light will come upon me to shine into the dark sight from me, where I can find my real path to move forward. 

There were few times where I thought I saw some bright shines, but eventually it turned out to be dimmer and dimmer as times goes by, where I found the truth behind those "lights". After all my path turned out to be dark again, as I was at rock tunnel without any single hole for light to come in.

There will be one day where I found the real light that shine upon my path, where I found the lead to my true way to move on, I believe and I will not give up. 

Truth and Lie

Principle of Ying Yang saying that there are many opposing matters around us in the world, for example good vs evil, dream vs reality, and same goes to truth and lie. Well in previous blog I had discussed about dream vs reality with their contrast features. Here I will discuss on truth and lie. 

Truth is opposed by lie, which truth being the state of being in accordance with fact or reality, on the other hand lie is defined as to hold something which one knows is not the whole truth to be the whole truth, intentional.

In my own point of view, lie can be interpreted in 2 different contexts. First to hide the truth or not willing to let others know the real meaning or context. Secondly with good intention to protect others from getting inflicted by knowing the truth. Either one has its pros and cons. 

Actually, my personal view was that either truth or lie is a double edged sword. Why did I said so? 

Because by knowing truth or lie, there are always two possible outcomes: feeling good or feeling bad, isn't it? Don't you agree with that?

On the other hand, the outcomes of telling truth or lie also depends on the context of the speaker(s) and interpreter(s) / listener(s). Of course good news can be very entertaining, however bad news will be very sad and depressing. 

Once truth or lie is being revealed, it can no longer hide itself, It had revealed its identity, to both speaker(s) and interpreter(s) / listener(s). Truth or lie can be known by listening, seeing, hearing, touching and searching. What I am trying to portray here is that once one had seen it, heard about it, thought about it, truth or lie will revealed itself through. Just like in context of dream vs reality in my previous blog (http://magnumsst.blogspot.com/2012/05/dream-reality-opposed-or-similar.html). In fact the duo can be linked with current topic: truth and lie. How??

Just like someone lying to others, where people believes on him / her, in fact those people who believe are dreaming, because they haven't wake up to face the reality, they are being in the state of disillusionment, Perhaps the someone has done it intentionally or unintentionally. However bear in mind that lie can hardly hide itself long from people's mind, one day when lie revealed, and that will be the time where people know about the truth. That also marks the time where people who believes in lie previously (dreamers) have to face with the truth in reality. All happens just about in a matter of time. 

Truth or lie, by revealing itself, brings about certain meaning or agenda, depending on interpretations of people knowing it. 

Human are bound to choice, where they can choose to accept or deny the meaning behind truth or lie. People can choose to accept or deny about a lie, however once truth is being known, one can hardly deny its presence. Truth is almost always true, whether you like it or not. 

All in all, truth or lie can be protective to one side of people, on another side of people it can be devastating, all depending on interpretation of the fact(s) being good or bad. In reality, not all truth brings about good feelings, similarly not all lie brings about anger or bad feeling. Once you had seen, or heard about truth, you have to accept it because it cannot be changed, unlike lie where it may be twisted around.


What you see may not be what you get, what you heard may not be what you think, but reasoning will draw some conclusions behind it, and when you get to know that it was the truth, then you have no choice other than to accept it as it is to be. Whatever happens behind it no longer serve its importance, truth always a truth, until and unless one forgets about it, otherwise it remains as truth itself. Remember the feeling inflicted upon knowing the truth is permanent, either good or bad feeling. 

Dream & Reality: Opposed or similar?

Dreams may be horrible or wonderful. As for many people, they always fond of having wonderful dreams, similarly it happens to me as well.

Wonderful dreams sometimes come into my mind, in which whatever I expect in reality occurs in my dreams, all my bucket lists seemed to be fulfilled. But upon waking up, dreams remain dreams, fantasy remains as fantasy, they are still not real, though.

Reality mostly opposed of my wonderful dreams, things that I always think of, appeared too ideally inside my dreams, I realize those are just fantasies, but I chose to enjoy that short temporary moments of joyness and perhaps, pseudo euphoria. Soon and later, in daytime when I am facing reality, it hurts, causing pain, feeling of sorrow. 

Well, inside my dreams, island become land, which was filled with much activities, happiness, and I realize those were dreams, I gonna be excited shortly, but the cruelness of reality comes much aggressive and longer duration of pain and sorrow feeling, which I have no choice but to bear with it.

What you see may not be what you get or think, but reasoning will tell the real meaning behind your visual memories, they don't just happen in front of your eyes for nothing. Perhaps they are trying to confer some hidden meanings which I have to justify those wisely. I don't always judge something by just simply glance or look through. However I can't avoid that whatever I seen remains reality, they can't be just dreams. The visual context may differ with exact context, but seriously does them differ much?? 

Sometimes I told myself, whatever I seen was something very casual or usual, but thorough judgement and justification did comes with similar meaning with visual interpretation. And thus I told myself, FACE THE REALITY!!!

"WAKE UP FROM UR FANTASY DREAM!! You are living in world full of reality". I realized that I have to accept the fact that most of unhappy events or experiences will come along with me throughout my life journey, I can't be euphoric all the while, but if I really get a chance into it I gonna appreciate it for long, because happiness is cure to my pain. 

Island still remains as island, island hardly become land. I understand it, and I accept as it is to be, being part of my life, REALITY, with dreams and fantasies as my sources of euphoria, perhaps accompanied by some real life pleasurable moments. Hahahahaha.