Another downhill landed on my life, and I had to accept it anyway....
16th November 2010, happy events for those with flying colours, bad news for those failed , as well those did not achieved their expectations............. this is norm of life.
The printed paper again "killed" me, hurting my feeling, and I m asking myself, what had i done wrong? What am I lacking of?
Why am I always did not get the things I worked hard for? Are those stupid efforts that I gave?
Obviously no one can answer me that, and I had to face the reality that truths always be cruel, depending on how do u perceive it?
When people are happy and excited with their achievements, I was like surrounded by dark clouds, things around me never gain my attention, I was felt like having my heart stopped.
I had put lots of efforts on my studies, and yet things I wanted never get better....
I was lacking study companion, which is essential for me, until now I still cannot adapt to a life without companion, iIexpecting discussions, sharing of thoughts and ideas to help enhance my understanding, obviously it was still only be real inside my dreams, but not after I woke up.
I expecting peer talk to share my feelings, too many things i had kept inside my heart, "they" kept on accumulating and never be disclosed.......seriously I was uncomfortable with it....
Worries kept haunting me recently, causing me felt not motivated to study, I m losing my passion, and my attempt to trace them (motivation and passion) still ongoing, seeing people's happinesses on social network posts continued to be updated, while my condition deteriorating truly sadden me...............their posts, comments and photos, not because of jealously, is kinda of feeling myself so unlucky.
I just wan to be happy, but it seems to be so difficult....Sometimes I felt that those are just fantasies for me, only felt in dream, but not in reality...now I realise how distinct reality and dream are.....
