Strong and overcome your deep darkness

“If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down.” - Mary Pickford

Beyond childhood, you may have experienced setbacks or letdowns for which you clearly recall the reasoning. Often we are so opposed to change that the slightest sign a new way of doing things isn’t working out becomes the signal to stop trying. We are creatures of habit, and breaking the mold we’ve created for ourselves is a challenge few feel they have the time or the energy to face.

Failure does upset some of us, but as well provides lesson to be learnt, reminding us that the outcomes of your decision, especially when you are adolescent whose you have to be responsible for each action / decision to be made, You yourself accountable for your own choice. Life does comes with choices, although  not always, instead sometimes. 

Realizing the fact, I have to justify each of my action / decision wisely as I have to bear the consequences afterward, which sound sweet if I made it right, or otherwise feel harsh when sadness comes in.

“All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears- of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark or speaking before the Rotary Club, and of the words “Some Assembly Required.” - Dave Barry

Where all else fails to stop us from achieving what we want from life, fear steps in. We experience fear on both conscious and unconscious levels, and it is one of the most limiting emotions we possess. In some cases fear is justified, and even healthy.

For example, a person contemplating crossing a busy street will harbor a healthy fear of being struck by two tons of rapidly moving steel commonly known as a motor vehicle (at least, if he or she is a reasonably sane person who understands the basic laws of physics: moving car + walking person = splat). This fear breeds caution, which causes the person to look both ways for oncoming traffic and wait for an appropriate time to venture across the road. 

However, unjustified fear- which can be just as crippling and realistic as justified fear- is more often the case when fear is a factor. Not many people risk their lives on a regular basis. Humiliation, rejection, and failure top the list* of limiting fears that can be overcome with practice and determination.

Humiliation occurs everywhere, from the beginning of school life till the end of life, depends on situation, some people experienced it almost everyday. The feeling doesn't looks good, and one can never understand until he / she experienced it, which I believe will occur to most people nowadays.

Rejection can be in many senses, like application for jobs, universities, colleges, scholarships, relationship etc. I had experienced it few times, like during application for foreign scholarship, entrance to "apek" varsity etc. However I had realized these were part of my journey of life, and being lessons to be learnt. 

Failure varies depends on people's individual perception. I kept on straining myself to overcome my own limit and thus whenever I can't achieve my expectation, I considered myself failed. However after serious reflection and thorough thinking, I knew that my efforts may not be sufficient but I still can work harder in subsequent attempts. I shouldn't being down, but instead keep strong and move forward.

* Actually, spiders top the list of fears for most people. Arachnophobia- fear of spiders- is the most common type of fear in the world. However, fear of spiders is completely justifiable, as spiders are creepy eight-legged insects with fangs, alien eyes, and a tendency to drop on you out of nowhere.

One of the easiest and most successful methods of dealing with fear is exposure therapy, which is actually facing your fears one small step at a time. If you don’t feel you can handle exposure therapy alone, enlist a friend to participate- especially if you can find a friend who doesn’t fear the same things you do. With exposure therapy, the objective is to experience fear to a small degree several times, so that each time it becomes easier to conquer. (Please note that exposure therapy does not apply to every situation. For example, if you are afraid of flying, it is not recommended that you leap from successively higher perches and attempt to become airborne.)

Quoted from book "The Power of Positive Thinking"

Living in the past? Time to look forward

“Upon our children, how they are taught, rests the fate- or fortune- of tomorrow’s world.” - B. C. Forbes

The things we learn in childhood aren’t easy to forget- mostly because we don’t actively remember them. It is far harder to dislodge subconscious thought. When we are unaware not only of why we embrace or avoid certain things, but also unaware of the fact that we are embracing or avoiding them, pinpointing the roots of our actions is a difficult process.

Childhood lessons don’t always come from our parents, and often not even the messages we received from them were intentionally placed there. For example, if your parents raised you to be helpful, courteous, polite, and giving, you may have learned those lessons so well that the very idea of doing something for yourself makes you cringe- and you may not know why. On the other hand, if your parents gave you everything you wanted without you ever asking for it or lifting a finger, you may project those same expectations on everyone around you- again, with no idea why you’re doing it, or even that you are doing it at all. Many times, outwardly selfish people are shocked to discover that others perceive them as selfish. They may even believe themselves the kindest, most benevolent people they know.

Whatever happened in the past remains lessons to be learnt, however one should look forward for better changes. As the saying goes: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, today is present", that's why today is a gift for us everyday.

Quoted and Adapted from book "The Power of Positive Thinking"

Destiny and self esteem

“The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.” - William James

What’s holding you back? Even those who fully embrace the theory of positive thinking may feel some qualms over entrusting their lives to mere thought. There are many possibilities that could be producing weeds in your mental garden, and the best way to get rid of a weed is to yank it out, roots and all. 

Perhaps all is about destiny, as humans can only plan, but God is the one to decide. Brain has 2 hemispheres, implying things come in both sides, positive and negative aspects, also implies other issues. Till now I think only one of my hemispheres was used, awaiting second brain to fulfill and enrich my another seldom used brain hemisphere, to make myself more complete.

For most of human existence, self-esteem was an unheard-of notion akin to the theories of those heretics who believed the world was round. The term “self-esteem” - defined by Webster’s Dictionary as “pride in oneself; self-respect” - made its way into the common public awareness during the ‘60s and ‘70s as a catch-all term to describe the essence of parenting problems. The “old ways” of parenting were pronounced barbaric and damaging to the budding self-esteem of our youth, and many parents fearful of raising unhappy, ill-adjusted children took advice that led to a generation of children with high self-esteem...so high it eclipsed personal responsibility and created a “me-first” mentality.

On the other hand, most of us are taught that thinking highly of ourselves is a vain, selfish and undesirable trait. Advice telling us to feel better about ourselves and occasionally put us first seems counterintuitive at best. After all, isn’t self-love the first step on the road to Ego Central? Many people want to feel good about

themselves, but guilt too often rears its ugly head and stops healthy self-esteem from developing.

Because of these conflicting viewpoints, self-esteem is a tricky little emotion to manipulate. It’s important to strike a balance between modesty and greed. It takes practice to convince yourself that you are a worthwhile and deserving person, while at the same time keeping in mind that you’re not the center of the universe. Though it may sound impossible, it’s actually simple to accomplish.

Destiny does plays some roles, but human efforts indeed important. Just try to put all your efforts and leave the rest to the God.

Hardship is temporary indulgent of self

“In every phenomenon the beginning remains always the most notable moment.”- Thomas Carlyle

To tune in to the power of positive thinking, you should probably start small particularly if you don’t believe it will work. It’s one thing to tell yourself, “Tomorrow, when I wake up in the morning I won’t hit snooze a dozen times and feel drowsy for the rest of the day,” and quite another to tell yourself, “Tomorrow, when I wake up in the morning I’ll be living independently wealthy and living in a mansion.” (Unless, of course, you are in fact independently wealthy and living in a mansion at the moment; in which case you might try to think your way into ownership of a small country.)

The process of making positive thinking work for you begins with destruction, or at least a mild shift in your thought structure. In order to make room for new methods and ideas, you must first tear out all the old negativity patterns you’ve been building throughout your life. For some, this can be a gradual process: as you witness positive thinking work for you, one small step at a time, you will slowly clear out those good-things-only-happen-to-other-people thoughts, and be able to cultivate the seeds of change.

Sometimes, I realized that some worries inside myself may be unnecessary, and compulsive thinking is not always be useful in all aspects, perhaps in certain aspects are good to be simple, using first instinct with proper justification, correct timing etc.

Hardships occur daily, sometimes those really made people get upset easily, support via friends, close friends, partner, motivations etc indeed are necessary to keep one strong to withstand. 

I had been always cheer myself up no matter how "sourly" I had tasted. Probably these events are my challenges to mold my better self, I just can tell myself, do my best and leave the rest to happen as it flows.

“The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.” - William James

New Year 2012 New Dedication

My dedication for this new year 2012 is to instilled positive thinking into my life, not only for problem solving, but also for sake of attitude and perception of life. Most of the following words are quoted from book called "Power of Positive Thinking"

Some people said that positive Thinking is a Bunch of Crap, however Crap does makes Great Fertilizer.

“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.” Herm Albright

At some point in your life, you’ve probably heard about the power of positive thinking. Basically, this is a theory that contends if you believe good things will happen to you, there will be some sort of cataclysmic shift in the energies surrounding you which will actually cause good things to happen to you. For as many people who believe in the power of positive thinking, there are many more who believe it’s all a bunch of New Age pop psychology drivel or sugar-coated Peter Pan platitudes.

Here’s the kicker: they’re all right.

You see, positive thinking is a system of beliefs. So if you believe it doesn’t work then, of course, it won’t work. And if you believe it does work...well, you get the idea. For non-believers, using positive thinking is like trying to get a job after high school. You need experience to get a job, but you need a job to get the experience. It can be difficult to know where you’re supposed to start. But just like any other process, the key to making positive thinking work for you is to start small. Plant seeds, if you will, and then learn how to tend and cultivate those seeds until you have a mental garden that bears a phenomenal crop, year after year. Anything is possible with positive thinking...even if you do believe it’s all a bunch of crap.

Norman Vincent Peale, the father of positive thinking, once said: “If you have zest and enthusiasm you attract zest and enthusiasm. Life does give back in kind.” This is the essence of positive thinking. It’s not so much a theory as it is a contagious disease. Just as anger and negativity spread quickly from person to person, so do humor and happiness- only good feelings spread far faster. Think about it: have you ever noticed that the quickest way to ease a tense situation is to make a joke? The instant someone laughs or smiles, a sense of relief spreads through everyone in the vicinity. Even if the angered parties don’t feel better, they are at least able to discuss the problem in a detached and objective way, and get on with their lives instead of dwelling on negativity. For that same reason, solo drivers who get cut off in traffic tend to remain angry for at least the rest of the drive- because there is no one else near them to send out good vibrations and break the tension. Makes sense, doesn’t it?

If you’ve picked up these ideas and read this far, the seeds of belief are already there. Your next step is to clear your mind’s garden of doubt and get ready to plant. You’ll learn how to take all that negativity and mulch it down into fertilizer that will let your possibilities grow.

Now grab your shovel, and let’s head in to the garden.

Upon reflection throughout the year, I had realized that my mistakes in year 2011 are compulsive thinking, indecisive, and urge to push in most matters.

Compulsive thinking and indecisive made me think twice while choosing an option or making some important decisions, in fact now I knew those bad habits were wrong and now I will decide based on my instinct.

"Urge to push" should not be continued, instead I should change my approach to let everything goes natural as according to Lao Tze's Taoism philosophy, so that I won't worry for no reason like I do in my past 1 year.

The biggest tree in the world grows from a seed you can hold between two fingers.

“Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t...you’re right.” - Henry Ford