Today is 1/1/2011 - 1st day of New Year 2011
After my exam finished at 30th December 2010 ago, I begin to start some reflection upon my past time, I realised that I always living life upon expectation.
Beginning from primary education until my current tertiary education,I always have a perception that every effort u paid returns. However the reality never say so. Even if u put more efforts on something or someone more than others, after all the return may not satisfy u.
Since I was year 1 medical student in UNIMAS, I often asking myself, what had I did wrong? How come USM rejected me even without giving a single chance of interview? How come the oldest medical universtiy in Malaysia not giving me such privillage to accept my admission? Many more questions kept bothering me. I lost my passion of learning, I no longer like who I am during my Form 6 time, where I kept updating myself, discussing with my friends about strategies to survive in STPM, being comparatively tough public examination in Malaysia. In UNIMAS medical life, I never be able to taste that anymore.
From Block 1 till Block 4 (In UNIMAS Phase I (a.k.a. pre clinical years) medical curriculum, block 1 till 5 in covered in year 1, block 6 till 9 for year 2) , my study life almost like a mess. I was disorganized with severe procrastination. Looking at people scoring high for each exam I was quite envy with them. Sometimes it came into my mind that am I suitable as a medical student?
However things never come to the end, someone's word during my block 5 awaken me up, sound like a flute that help me regained myself together with the lost passion. Finally I passed my end of year 1 exam.
Now I am year 2 medical student, my condition is much more stable comparative to year 1, of course not totally fine. In my year 2 life, I spent a little of my time assisting some juniors other than my own junior buddies. By this approach, I can reinforce my year 1 knowledge as well updating myself to any latest changes of infos.
In year 2 examinations , I had put higher expectation towards my grades due to my poor performances in year 1 , and that causing me to be so stressed out. I am certain that I can make myself passing year 2 with enough efforts for revision. But I expect higher than just being passing exam, so as to build up better foundation to cope with clinical years. And I ended up upset twice.
Now when I reflect upon it, I was asking myself again, does gain comes after giving? Actually I believe that it does, well it is just a matter of time, I expecting my university life with good grades, good social life, good appreciation and credits from my juniors. And I expecting too much of those.
Today I no longer insist on those , I had chosen to be expect no expectation , so that I can be much happier, otherwise my miserable life continues.
EXPECT NO EXPECTATION. This is my hope for Year 2011.
